THinning Thursday: Confidence is Key

I am sad to say that I stepped on the scale today and realized I had lost nothing this week... Not even half an ounce of a pound... Now granted I felt really let down I have spent over eight hours at the gym, done countless amounts of cardio and squats but three little numbers were really close to having me down on myself a half hour before my Birthday.

Then I did an exercise that I was told to do to lift my self confidence I took off all of my clothes stood in front of a mirror and found three things I love about myself.

1. I like how blue my eyes are
2. I like the new colors in my hair
3. And I like that in spite of how big I am I have little to know cellulite (I'll explain more on that  tomorrow)

Anyone who has ever comfort eaten can tell you that low self confidence can be a serious trigger... I feel sad therefore I want ice cream, I eat the ice cream gain a pound feel disgusting get sad and crave something else... A vicious never ending cycle of self loathing and weight gain. Finding confidence and the ability to say that I am not just a three digit number on a scale... I am a mom, I am beautiful regardless of my weight and I will not always be this heavy.

Life has many let downs, but I am choosing not to let this be one of them. Next year at this time I WILL be thinner... I WILL be happier and healthier but it all starts now with me choosing not to let this be a setback but instead a hurdle I'll overcome and to everyone out there reading this you are beautiful no matter if you are 50 pounds of 5,000 there is something that only you possess. Make sure to find it love it and share it with the world.

So this week there is no picture of my full body but this right here is me and what I like about myself... And here is to me being 28, feeling great and getting in shape!

 

There's Nothing Happy About Veteran's Day

Warning: The following is a very raw very personal view of my experience as a Veteran. it is not meant to offend anyone.

The First thing I would like to say is thank you to everyone who has supported me those who have held my hand, loved me missed me through six years of Active Duty Service. I love you and appreciate you more than you can ever imagine.


 This is my first year celebrating Veterans day as an actual veteran and over the course of the day several well meaning and sweet people reached out to me to wish me a "Happy Veteran's Day" this particular saying from all of the thanks I got was particularly painful...because I can't seem to wrap my head around being happy as a Veteran quite yet... I get the sentiment behind them saying this and I truly love each and everyone but this transition has been hard... being a veteran is hard and no one tells you that when you are enlisting in the military... We spend months prepping for all kinds of attacks but no one talks about the struggles you will find when the fighting is over and it is just you in the mirror with no uniform... trying to hold yourself together mentally and even physically while fighting for benefits you were promised but haven't received.

So no today is not a "Happy" Veteran's Day

It can't be while unemployed 573,000 of my brothers and sisters are employed, and 24, 837 are homeless. And thousands more remain deadlocked in a crippled Veterans Administration System that fails them unable to get medicine or insurance for their families and selves.

So what do these numbers have to do with me? Why am I so upset about them? Why can't I just eat my bloomin' onion and move on... probably because for the first time I really understand what it means to be a Veteran in America...

-  I received my DD214 on August 18th and went straight to my Veterans Affairs office. I had already applied for benefits as I struggle with PTSD, anxiety and a few other problems related to my military service. When I asked him why I hadn't had any doctors appointments yet to check my disability claim he told me that I was missing paperwork and that I needed to fill that out before they could process my claim.

- I sat in his office filling out an extra piece of paper to be sent to te VA so that I could see a doctor to have my claims evaluated.... (it is now November 11 and I still have not seen a doctor I did however receive a letter apologizing for the delay in processing my claim)

- In the paperwork I had to fill out was a specific sheet used to describe an event that happened to me while I was in the military, on this piece of paper that I was already crying while filling out it has the audacity to ask me if there is anyone who can prove that the event happened to me,,,,  as a woman it was the most insulting question I ever could have read... luckily my VA rep was very kind and that helped me to calm down.

- The doctor visits I have not gotten yet are to help with PTSD my doctor before I left gave me a 90 day supply in hopes that the VA would get me in as soon as possible  to continue my care. which means on November 16 I will run out of medicine.

 -Another lady referred me to try to get "cheap healthcare" by extending my Military Tricare out under the Continued Healthcare Benefit Program... when I called to get a quote they told me it would be 2,980 for three months and that three months needed to be paid up front. There was no way that I could afford that. I paid for urgent care out of pocket for my son to be seen because it was a cheaper option. (Thank goodness for open enrollment on Obama Care though because that is going to help me and my son out)\

- The day after I got out of the Navy a fellow veteran and good friend of mine was found dead from an overdose of pain killers.... The same friend who had told me he needed help prior to leaving the military and when we went to get him help he was told that if he went back to Rehab the military would deny his Benefits and he would have nothing when he left the Navy... Sadly now his family is let with nothing but his memory (Name intentionally left out due to his family wanting to keep private please DO NOT put his name in the comments)

This is just the first sixty days.... In this little bit of time I have been forced to relive a horrible experience on paper and then told to find evidence that I was raped three years ago, been overcharged for health insurance, am running out of medicine for a legitimate diagnosed medical condition confirmed by military doctors because their system is currently backed up... And lost a friend who meant the world to me because he was afraid of losing benefits. This is what being a veteran looks like... real people trying to make it back to where we once were in the midst of a chaotic system and countless let downs. It is hard, many days that are not Veterans Day are thankless.

But....

 it is not hopeless

As I walked outside tonight to get the mail I saw this...

Reminding me about this project held by Walmart Home Depot and Lowe's

http://www.greenlightavet.com/

.

It reminded me that it may not be Happy today for many veterans but the individuals who still care the corporations willing to hire us because they believe we still have something to offer... you the individual are our hope.

So it may not be a Happy Veterans Day but it is a better Veterans Day.... because at least for today I can realize that while the government may let us down there are still Americans who care.  It's not easy being a veteran but thank you America for the hope that it can get better!

 

Toddler Tripping Part 2 Sleepy Mommy Hyper Baby

Hello Everyone,
   Sorry I've been missing posts it's been very busy and I haven't had a lot of time to sit own and post. However, toddler Tuesday is my families favorite segment thus far an I don't want to let them down. Plus I want to document the trip for myself as well. So for everyone coming for the advice section of toddler Tuesday you are probably want to scroll all the way to the end of this weeks post.

      When I left off last week Russell and I had just visited the petroglyph site in Arizona. Now I must explain that I have a love affair with Arizona. I have already been to the grand canyon twice, the painted desert and now the petroglyph site. I always seem to find something new and interesting in that state, and it can be hard to pull me away. Knowing this about myself I pre-planned and set up a reservation in Roswell, New Mexico to make sure that I did not get side tracked. So I continued to drive into the night with Russell asleep in the back of the car. I had to pull over for gas when I realized that there was no way I was going to make it by midnight, I decided to call the hotel to let them know. When I called the man at the front desk of the budget inn told me he didn't see a reservation for me. As it turns out I had accidentally booked for the wrong day. I was upset but he fixed the reservation and told me not to worry about anything that he would see us whenever we arrived. (This was the first experience I had with the five men that I have deemed Hotel Angels)

I drove until about two in the morning with Russell comfortably asleep in the back. Personally my favorite thing to do to keep myself awake with Russell in the back asleep is to get out Pandora and listen to the Comedy station. this keeps me awake and in high spirits I did this until about 60 miles outside of Roswell, New Mexico when my signal stopped working (I won't blast a specific cell phone company, but it rhymes with print) I happened upon probably the strangest radio station I have ever listened to it was on the Roswell local channel and they were talking about aliens and all kinds of other worldly stuff. It was interesting, and kept me awake because I was terrified extraterrestrials were coming to abduct us at any moment (they didn't). I finally arrived at my hotel at two in the morning. The man got me my key very quickly and reminded me about the complimentary breakfast. And even gave me information on the Roswell sites and what I would find in town. For it being two in the morning I was really impressed with his Customer service and the care he showed toward my toddler and me. (Did I mention that Russell was now fully awake and running around the hotel lobby) I got in the hotel not knowing what to expect (It was a fifty dollar hotel deal, so I wasn't expecting much, but the room was amazing flat screen tv, air conditioning huge bathroom space and it looked like paradise for a tired mommy!

I was so happy... I got Russell ready for bed in record time placed him in his pack and play slid into my jammies turned off all the lights but the closet light and lad down....  And that's when It started... Mommy.... Elmo Where are you.... I groaned a little please go to sleep, but no luck he stood up in the pack and play and started wailing.  So what is an exhausted mom to do with only a few possible hours to get sleep.... I gave the child Elmo I plugged it in and let him watch it, and I let him crawl in the bed and sleep with me.... This is a picture of him in my hotel not sleeping, but if you are tired and only have a few short hours to sleep on the first night of a road trip you do whatever you can to get enough sleep to drive safely. For me this meant breaking a few of the set rules we have at the house (separate sleeping areas, no TV before bed and no sleeping to the TV) but being a more alert driver in the morning.

I talk very lightly and confidently about my driving for this trip but the truth is an exhausted driver is just as bad and can cause as much damage as a drunk driver. If you are following in my footsteps or just making your own please take my advice... If you are tired stop pull over, break some rules if you have to but sleep.

I slept until 9:30 the next morning and then packed everything up and took Russell to the complimentary breakfast.
****More advice here.**** If you are staying at hotels do as much raiding of the free breakfast as you can if they have to go cups grab and extra juice and milk for the toddler grab some bread and peanut butter and jelly to give the child as a snack later. Make sure you eat also because you'd be surprised how much money you can save just by grabbing four pieces of bread and a few packets of jelly.  After breakfast we got in the car to go take a look around the UFO capital of the world.

Advice from this Post is as follows When Road Tripping with a Toddler:

1. Always make sure you call the hotels you are booked at to ensure that they are aware you're coming.
2. Don't forget a toddler cot or a pack and play to make sleeping easier
3. Be lenient this is a new place for toddlers too it may be scary give a little allow a few rules to be broken especially if it is the difference between getting enough sleep or not
4. Stay at a Budget Inn if you can find one (I am not affiliated with the company at all I was just impressed by how amazing their service was all across the country)
5. Get as much from the complimentary Breakfast as you are allowed small amounts of bread and Jelly go along way and milk and juice is expensive at fast food restaurants so make sure you put extra in a to go cup.

As always thank you for reading my post next Tuesday I will continue the trip by sharing the truly fun things your toddler and you can enjoy together in Roswell, New Mexico!       
 

Freaky Friday (18 and up only by clicking on this link you acknowledge you are over the age of 18)

Don't let the title fool you This section of my blog is for adults only but it is not raunchy or full of nude models. However all passion party content is strictly 18 plus because our products are of a sexual nature. 

I joined passion parties because I wanted to educate and help women empower themselves and learn more about their bodies. So you won't find anything raunchy on my page simply because I believe in my products and how they help  women and marriages! 

Once a week I will review and show a product from the line I sell that I think is a great buy and share why I think it's amazing and what it is used for. 

In the spotlight this week is a product called Liquid Body Silk 

It is an amazing lotion that as it is rubbed in turns into a powder. You get all of the benefits of a powder without the mess. My favorite use is to whisk away the sweat during my daily workouts. It comes in three amazing scents mangosteen, coconut lemongrass, and pomegranate ginger. 

You may be wondering now what is it about a simple bottle of lotion that makes it "adult in nature". It is infused with pheromones that help to attract members of the opposite sex and arouse your senses. 

You can pick up a bottle here:

https://ashleysplayfulpassions.yourpassionconsultant.com/IndvItem.asp?InventoryID=6015 

If you're interested in more products or in hosting a party or joining my team contact me for more details.

Thinning Thursday

It is no secret to anyone that I am a larger girl right now. When I started my journey I was 220 pounds. Before my pregnancy I only weighed 135 seen below. 

In the last four months of my pregnancy I gained 80 pounds of weight due to preeclampsia. Although it would be easy to blame my obesity on my pregnancy it is not the truth. I weighed 185 pounds after I gave birth. I gained 35 all on my own trying to eat away the stress And unhappiness I was feeling in my last job. I have begun to have health complications and had a hard time keeping up with my active toddler and these things made me decide it's time to lose the weight because I want to be able to spend as much quality time with my son as possible. So I began doing T25 and On demand programs with Beachbody 

My beachbody coach Kat Smith has been with me encouraging me the whole way and has not once made me feel bad about where I am just excited about where I am going. I am so grateful to have her in my life. You can read her story here: http://click.email.beachbody.com/?qs=5bf57d073e3a5d8938c686e96ade4b50b6dfaf63488f8437fb8f0998bdc9392acea44e264462a583 I strongly encourage anyone who is looking for a positive weight loss experience to join her team.

So welcome to my journey. Today I weighed in at 215 pounds and while five pounds may not seem like a whole lot every pound down is a victory! This is my before picture I can't wait til I can show you my 

Writer's Block

I struggled with what to write for my first Wildcard Wednesday and was still unable to find something meaningful and educational plus interesting with a spark of humor to write on. However I did make this poem about my struggles. I hope you enjoy it because it was fun for me to write. Feel free to comment and share, but please do not steal this for your English class or anything (mainly because they will probably fail you for poor grammar and I don't want that on my conscious.)

Writer's Block  

 

Today I tried to write a poem

But the words just would not come.

I tried to write a story

But all the characters seemed dumb.

 

I sat down to type a single sentence in my blog

And I would have finished it...

But the words came out all wrong

 

With pen and journal in my hands,

I snuck off to make an entry.

The room was dark, my eyelids drooped

And I slept for half a century

 

I went to mail a short and sentimental letter.

I got out all my stationary

And couldn't choose which I liked better.

 

Now the sun is gone, my page is blank

My mind is almost gone

If I could just write one idea

My novel would be done!

 

 



Toddler Tripping Part 1

You're going to do what???!!! That was the common response I got after I told people about my plans to travel around the United States with my 20 month old highly active toddler.

I had just gotten out of the Navy and I wanted to experience the freedom of the open road and say hi to every member of my family and meet my boyfriends family and friends. My family is spread out between Georgia, Virginia, Maryland and Wisconsin. We live in San Diego California and my Boyfriend's family lives in Louisiana Oh and did I mention the wedding in Dallas Texas. Needless to say this was going to be a long journey in a small car. (A 2008 Subaru Impreza to be exact) So many people believed that I would be unable to accomplish the whole journey, but I loved road trips pre baby and there was no way I was turning back. I learned so much on my trip and am excited to share my journey with you. The whole trip lasted two months and provided my little man with so many experiences at such a young age.

Most people who ask questions about our trip start with the most obvious... Didn't he get bored in the car and drive you crazy.... The answer to this question is actually no I tended to entertain him with singing together with music, giving him a tablet to watch and lots and lots of educational and fun stops. The stops with a toddle are honestly the best part his  natural curiosity really brought places to life for me and challenged me to really look at the things around me. Especially when looking for things that are dangerous for a toddler!

The best advice I can give to any family going on a road trip is to STOP!!!! Seriously if you see a cool area stop look at it enjoy it, take pictures, explore. You will only have so many years to see the wonder of the World through a toddlers eyes so make sure you take those rare opportunities. 

For us the First stop we made was in Arizona as I was driving along interstate 10 I saw a sign for the Petroglyphs... I didn't even know what they were but I knew I needed to stop. The petroglyphs turned out to be ancient drawings by Native Americans dated back over 12,000 years. The best part for Russell was being able to run around. I even allowed him to take his ball with him and we threw it back and forth for a while.The fresh Arizona air and the activity helped us both to learn and when we got back in the car he slept soundly for hours.

IT WAS AWESOME!!!

The one thing that I did right was to stop often and early, but if I could redo anything it would be how I did food and lodging. In the future I plan to use camping equipment and stay at camp sites with showers versus paying such high prices for hotels. Also looking back I with that I had made sandwiches and tiny bags of vegetables and chips instead of stopping to eat out. I wasted so much money and time on these two things! But I guarantee you next time I won't be making that mistake!

I think that is where i'll stop on  this subject for today. If you have any questions or want to make a comment please feel free to do so. Also if you like my blog follow me on the button below and stay tune for Wildcard Wednesday tomorrow.